The Epstein Files

I’m psyched to be part of The Pikes Peak Bulletin’s reinvention, and I’m proud to be on the Board of Directors. With your help, this talented team of board, staff and free-lancers will guide us forward.

I’m also hoping that my Epstein Files column will be a regular fixture.

Epstein.

Our daughter Ella once bemoaned the fact that in Colorado, folks often mispronounce the name.

“Well, now they don’t,” she said the other day with a smirk.

I’m reminded of a trip my wife and I took that had a connection in Paris. One of the French security guys looked at my passport and said, “Epstein? As in … ?” Then he actually mimed hanging himself with a rope.

Everyone’s a comedian.

Which takes us back to The Epstein Files. Sometimes, I expect this column to cover serious journalism or articulate heartfelt thoughts about where our community or our country is going right or wrong.

But I also want it to be an oasis of funny. If I’m going to make fun of the powers that be (and believe me, I will), I have to also make fun of myself and the once mighty Fourth Estate - journalism.

I remember Johnny Carson and Jay Leno regularly shared their favorite newspaper headline mishaps.

My wife, Jane, is great at noticing, clipping and saving these:

The Gazette once referred to The School for the Deaf and Blind as “The School for the Dead and Blind.” Ouch.

I think it was The Tampa Tribune, where Jane and I met that ran a headline about the anniversary of the Falkland Islands Naval Invasion, referring to it as a “Navel Invasion.” I imagine armies of ants marching toward my belly button.

Some fun mistakes also resulted from emergent technologies.

For instance, a paper used the search-and-replace function, changing all references of “black” to “African American.” Unfortunately, it reported that some successful company was “deeply in the African American.”

Then there were the joys of autocorrect, which turned an article about Shiites into “Shelties.” After that was published, a reporter friend at the paper had a field day, reprinting the story in a staff email with photo of a pack of the fluffy pups.

But, without a doubt, Jane’s favorite moment wasn’t an actual mistake, but the correction that ran after the mistake. It read:

“The word ‘President’ was inadvertently placed before ‘Fats Domino.’ Fats Domino is not the president of the United States. A recent story suggested otherwise.”

Then, of course, there’s The Pikes Peak Bulletin, which recently prefaced my column with the disclaimer: “This opinion piece reflects the views of John Hazlehurst only and are not endorsed by the Pikes Peak Bulletin.” You have no idea how proud I am to know that John and I are so aligned on those opinions.

Please send us your favorite newspaper goofs … unless they’re mine. ;)

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